Chocolate makes everything better.....

I've been writing this post in my head for two weeks now....


I've had to erase and edit, and start over, yes...even in my head!

I bawled through the first one, the morning after Utah's pioneer day celebration....

Whao!  I am that moved by the day.....that, and i am still pondering, ok, totally questioning, why the fam and I have yet to be able to fulfill our (my) dream...and hopefully that of my husband....and seek out our own green acres. Just like our pioneer heritage.....

We drove around a little farming/ranching community, that I have loved since we moved north...and can't seem to return down south.....

grammies sitting on the porch rocking, the tick and hiss of sprinkler hitting the the grass whispering in the wind, the cow dogs yipping after their little boys....gardens, thick and green, getting heavy with ripening pods...

I could go on and on....but I won't. Let's just say that my granma, was still finding my farm layout drawings when she was still with us.....

we had had a conversation about my layouts just a few weeks before she died...she asked me what I was doing to fulfill those plans that I had had in my head since I was at least 8....the brood mare barn (forget vampire books, I devoured every girl and colt book there was to be had), the apple orchards...treats for my horsey pals of course, the pastures, my house with the wrap around porch....and so on and so on.....i said it must not be meant to be...she told me nonsense, keep trying.....at least I had found my cowboy....she always found the positive!

my mr. says I want it too bad.....so the universe says no...really? serious??

i cried some more, when my city gone country cousin blogs that she has cows...I am happy for her, thrilled for her....i encourage her to get chickens...then wonder.....why not me?

could it be that we chose to have eight kiddos in a down economy and didn't have our education finished until we had half our family......(that's a hint peeps...finish school before...or not....whatever feels right! but i do encourage my girls to go to college, go on a mission, play, travel, have fun.....but if you fall in love at 18 and marry...so be it....but please wait.....that could be just two short years away....I'm not ready..I still have babies at home.....and I mean literal babies, I am not ready for grandbabies....yet)  is it because I am wishy washy

 could it be that my husband choose a vocation in public service because the ranch/farm was already crowded, and well.... working for the gov, stinks? but thank heavens for insurance!  could it be that it is just not meant to be, that i have a different mission in life then I want....

who knows, except the Lord...and He seems quiet on the subject.....

so like i do in all irreconcilable dilemmas...I think about food and how i would do it if i did have my white farm house and picket fence....so i will leave you with this recipe, homemade chocolate syrup, without preservatives or chemicals or corn syrup....

so far we have had it on ice ream and shakes, in milk, added powdered sugar to it to make a glaze for homemade donuts, recipe here......and yes, even by the finger full....why dirty a spoon my son said....needless to say it was a hit.....

see...chocolate does solve everything....i even put it in my chili...yep.....seriously! i will keep you posted about my dream....i now have a deadline, i put us on the waiting list for a miniature jersey dairy cow....how fun is that?  and a post for another time!

Chocolate Syrup

2 cups Powdered sugar (you can use granulated, but the syrup tends to be more coarse and grainy)
1/2 cup cocoa (imagine dark chocolate here too!)
1 cup water
1/4 t vanilla
1/8 t salt

mix sugar and cocoa together, then stir in water and bring to a slow boil, not to fast or it can boil over! Boil for three minutes. Take off stove and stir in salt and vanilla. As it cools, it will thicken. I stored it in a mason jar for the ease of dipping a spoon...aka...finger...

store it on the top shelf in the fridge..because it will go fast!!

just so ya know...I just made a fresh double batch and stirred it into my homemade blueberry shake....totally rocked! and i licked the pan when i put it away

thanks for listening to my woes, which are more then one, since I licked the chocolate sauce pan!
luv yer guts

As if.....

I think I think to much...

Yes..it's true....even my husband has said it...and....

he is a man of few words!!!

I have a post planned and because I over think it/have way to much to do/am lazy.....

it just doesn't get done...maybe I should stick to shorter thoughts...or no thoughts....

maybe I can just post a short quip about what I am doing yesterday/today/tomorrow to live like I am/one day will get to live on my farm.....

and first things first....my family and I have been/are/will be eating a more natural diet.

Now I have to say we have been doing the basic cook from scratch for a long time...really the only thing we buy at the store that isn't...and of course loaded with sugar...is cereal. This is more or less a treat or when I just don't have time to make breakfast and they won't eat oatmeal, silly kids!

But over the last couple of months and more recently with the hospitalization of mctwin #1 for failure to thrive and severe iron deficiency..I increased my research (thank heavens for the internet!)  and discovered that many of the symptoms of sickness my darlings had were o so curable with a simple food diet.  We ...and I mean the whole family...will be eating the gaps diet.  I will let you go to the website and research it along with the blog from The Healthy Home Economist and determine for yourself what you think. 

For me it was an answer to a prayer and I think the mctwins and the whole family will become healthier...because we will be eating healthier food as well as eating more like our ancestors way back when. No thankfully the diet only calls for an absence period and not a total picketing of the  various foods forever.  But it will help us get back on track and more importantly eating more like we are on the farm.......

Tell me what you think.....or if you have heard anything or experienced anything good bad or terrible.  I am all ears!!!

And then my plan...is to let you know the daily rumblings of eating like we are almost on a farm.

Working on patience......

Random thoughts running through my head.....

I need a coke.....but shouldnt drink one.

Where did all this laundry come from...I just had it all caught up on Monday.

Better put in lunch money for my oldest...even though it isn't cool to eat lunch at school.

I wonder if he has thrown up yet.....he tried to play sick...but it has been going around this itty bitty house

I need a nap....

This itty bitty house was picked up last night, did I have more then seven kids in here this morning.

I need to schedule another family picture....because everyone is a year older then here...with braces of and contact in....

I really really  could use a coke.

Hurry up and blog, cuz its not happening after the mctwins wake up.

Do you think I could get away with eating another bowl of rice pudding....without raisins

what should I cook for dinner

I should go run/yoga/stretch/move while the mctwins sleep.......

Is there a pill out there that will just make me skinny...that won't damage my heart/liver/kidneys?

Wish I had a porch to rock on.....with a rocker....

I need to get the vacuum fixed...and return my sweet neighbors....

I need a good book to read...the one for the book club aint cuttin it...sorry Matt...it pretty much bites the big one....but read it I will...under protest....

Will I get pulled over today?

OH yeah, better get the sub registered...it is only expired by a like a month! 

eeehhhh....toilets better get cleaned today......

Do I have to be anywhere today?

Should I go to the football game on Saturday?  Or let my son take a date there.....

Is he really dating????  Am I that old?

I should get the mctwins blankets done...before they get married....and #1's denim quilt, I started when he was two....

Should I drive up the road an hour and pick up some beets to can and pickle?

Should I look for a house...or be content for another year while Mack is YM president?
 
I need to take the lap top in to be fixed.....and my camera....



Should I make the girls walk home from school?  It is only five miles...uphill...it will be good endurance training for their cross country....

That's mine with the white legs...it runs in the family....

And how the heck do I think I have time for an itty bitty farm?

I asked Mr. Macdaddy if I should give up my dream of moving to my little piece of heaven...because it just doesn't seem to be happening at the moment....or anytime soon...his reply....

"We all need dreams."

And dream it still is.....so I need to add to the above list.....learn to be patient with that which the good Lord has already blessed me with....

For some reason He has deemed me not ready/not worthy/yet to learn something more in my itty bitty house with seven not so itty bitty kids....at least I have three bathrooms! and running water!  My baby sister and I determined that patience and thanksgiving to what we already have is the key and that if so mastered, that which we have asked for will pale in comparison to what HE will give us.....when he is ready.....

So I better go work on that...........

lover yer guts!

signed, working on patience (seriously...I must have been in the talking line when that little gift was handed out!)

102 Reasons (ok...ten) why MY Kids Need the FARM

I have thought this through...since I was like eight......

and stayed my cousins that did live on the farm....

and they had it all.  They still do!

They were my inspiration.....still are....

They knew how to work hard and play hard.....still do!

In fact, if you go to my grandma's house....and look really hard through the stacks of magazines that probably date back to 1952, you will find my renderings of my ranch.  I had it all planned out...down to the fence.  It's the type A in me.....unfortunately for my kiddos, I didn't get the ranch and take my type A personality out on it ....they get me to plan their lives ........one day they will thank me for it......

at the therapists office....I tried, I really did!

#10 - The kiddos need a few garden rows to weed before they can go out to play - and I want the warm fresh tomatoes that I can bit into and have the sun ripened juice drip down my chin and onto my white blouse....because that always happens...to me.

#9 - The kiddos need a screen door to slam and a front porch to jump off of as they run to meet their friends....and I need the sound to remind me of how grateful I am for each one of those slams as my kids come and go.

#8 - The kiddos need a high wooden pole fence to scale and sit on as they watch dad work, big brother ride....or just the sunset. And I need to admire and oogle at my wrangler clad husband leaning up against it.  It's good for the blood.

#7 - JD...and all the mckiddos need a dog..not a lap dog..a goodness for real dog that keeps them company and protects them...and barks for joy.  I need one to scratch behind the ears as |I go up the porch to remind me the jo9ys of childhood...and to lick the floor clean underneath the said mckiddos!

#6 - The kiddos need to pull in their jeans and sheets, and white shirts off the clothes line, drink up the sunshine smell right then and there before they put them in the basket.  They need to feel the crisp cloth of the jeans as you pull them on - I need to feel how they make my stomach feel flat...because we all know that isn't going to happen anytime soon!

#5 The kiddos need to be able to pull on their cutoffs and sneakers, grab an inner tube and go float down the crick (Phonetically spelled...cuz I don't say creeeek)  kicking an splashing the whole way.  The girls shrieking when they realize the boys are going to dunk them.

#4 - My kiddos need to gather the eggs, and watch the foals play in the field, they need to watch the lambs being born and they need to milk the cow.  They need to watch the life cycle and realize that it is as God intended.

#3 - They need to know that their neighbors will not only tell their mama when they do something naughty, they will protect them when someone else tries to mess/gossip with/about them...because that is what you do in small town USA....and so that the cops don't get called when you are out on the four wheelers/throwing firecrackers/shooting bb guns.

#2 - They need the farm so that they can grow up with the door unlocked, the windows wide open and taste/feel/breathe in the night air, the curtains blowing in the breeze and the crickets making music, the rain on the roof and know that they are safe.

#1 - They need a farm because their mama needs the farm...to teach them to work hard, play hard and enjoy doing it both.

My city dwelling friends...I will visit you...I promise....I still love to feast on Sushi and see and feel the rush of humanity in the city.....but I need my space the rest of the time.

Love yer guts, one and all, city and country folks.

Keep praying for me.

Joy in the Journey

Why?

Why you ask?

Because I can......

and because the kids think the other blog is all about them and should in no way have my ramblings.

So they win..and I win....this is and will be about us.

You and me babe...on the road to somewhere....

For me it will be about being the best that I can be, where I am and showing you my mistakes as well as my triumphs.  I am a secret farmer married to a used to be cowboy...with a wrangler butt.  yum!  Technically he is still a cowboy, we just don't have any cows to mosey anymore or hay to cut....or any of those other chores...and we find ourselves far North of where we started.

But this is okay, because one day we hope to return to the country life, complete with chickens and lambs and a cow.... jersey cow to be precise.  So along the way, I thought I would document my pretend life on the farm as I can and bake and garden and create the life I want....way up North.

There are so many great blogs out there, that you may not have time to even have a lookey lou here....but that's okay, I understand the craziness of life...but maybe this is just for me to remember where I want to go and to find joy in where I am at and joy in the journey.

But either way I hope that one day we can sit on my front porch, look out and realize it was a good journey to document.

And if you want further inspiration about joy in the journey, just click on the title, it states it all much better then I.