I've been writing this post in my head for two weeks now....
I've had to erase and edit, and start over, yes...even in my head!
I bawled through the first one, the morning after Utah's pioneer day celebration....
Whao! I am that moved by the day.....that, and i am still pondering, ok, totally questioning, why the fam and I have yet to be able to fulfill our (my) dream...and hopefully that of my husband....and seek out our own green acres. Just like our pioneer heritage.....
We drove around a little farming/ranching community, that I have loved since we moved north...and can't seem to return down south.....
grammies sitting on the porch rocking, the tick and hiss of sprinkler hitting the the grass whispering in the wind, the cow dogs yipping after their little boys....gardens, thick and green, getting heavy with ripening pods...
I could go on and on....but I won't. Let's just say that my granma, was still finding my farm layout drawings when she was still with us.....
we had had a conversation about my layouts just a few weeks before she died...she asked me what I was doing to fulfill those plans that I had had in my head since I was at least 8....the brood mare barn (forget vampire books, I devoured every girl and colt book there was to be had), the apple orchards...treats for my horsey pals of course, the pastures, my house with the wrap around porch....and so on and so on.....i said it must not be meant to be...she told me nonsense, keep trying.....at least I had found my cowboy....she always found the positive!
my mr. says I want it too bad.....so the universe says no...really? serious??
i cried some more, when my city gone country cousin blogs that she has cows...I am happy for her, thrilled for her....i encourage her to get chickens...then wonder.....why not me?
could it be that we chose to have eight kiddos in a down economy and didn't have our education finished until we had half our family......(that's a hint peeps...finish school before...or not....whatever feels right! but i do encourage my girls to go to college, go on a mission, play, travel, have fun.....but if you fall in love at 18 and marry...so be it....but please wait.....that could be just two short years away....I'm not ready..I still have babies at home.....and I mean literal babies, I am not ready for grandbabies....yet) is it because I am wishy washy
could it be that my husband choose a vocation in public service because the ranch/farm was already crowded, and well.... working for the gov, stinks? but thank heavens for insurance! could it be that it is just not meant to be, that i have a different mission in life then I want....
who knows, except the Lord...and He seems quiet on the subject.....
so like i do in all irreconcilable dilemmas...I think about food and how i would do it if i did have my white farm house and picket fence....so i will leave you with this recipe, homemade chocolate syrup, without preservatives or chemicals or corn syrup....
so far we have had it on ice ream and shakes, in milk, added powdered sugar to it to make a glaze for homemade donuts, recipe here......and yes, even by the finger full....why dirty a spoon my son said....needless to say it was a hit.....
see...chocolate does solve everything....i even put it in my chili...yep.....seriously! i will keep you posted about my dream....i now have a deadline, i put us on the waiting list for a miniature jersey dairy cow....how fun is that? and a post for another time!
Chocolate Syrup
2 cups Powdered sugar (you can use granulated, but the syrup tends to be more coarse and grainy)
1/2 cup cocoa (imagine dark chocolate here too!)
1 cup water
1/4 t vanilla
1/8 t salt
mix sugar and cocoa together, then stir in water and bring to a slow boil, not to fast or it can boil over! Boil for three minutes. Take off stove and stir in salt and vanilla. As it cools, it will thicken. I stored it in a mason jar for the ease of dipping a spoon...aka...finger...
store it on the top shelf in the fridge..because it will go fast!!
just so ya know...I just made a fresh double batch and stirred it into my homemade blueberry shake....totally rocked! and i licked the pan when i put it away
thanks for listening to my woes, which are more then one, since I licked the chocolate sauce pan!
luv yer guts
I've had to erase and edit, and start over, yes...even in my head!
I bawled through the first one, the morning after Utah's pioneer day celebration....
Whao! I am that moved by the day.....that, and i am still pondering, ok, totally questioning, why the fam and I have yet to be able to fulfill our (my) dream...and hopefully that of my husband....and seek out our own green acres. Just like our pioneer heritage.....
We drove around a little farming/ranching community, that I have loved since we moved north...and can't seem to return down south.....
grammies sitting on the porch rocking, the tick and hiss of sprinkler hitting the the grass whispering in the wind, the cow dogs yipping after their little boys....gardens, thick and green, getting heavy with ripening pods...
I could go on and on....but I won't. Let's just say that my granma, was still finding my farm layout drawings when she was still with us.....
we had had a conversation about my layouts just a few weeks before she died...she asked me what I was doing to fulfill those plans that I had had in my head since I was at least 8....the brood mare barn (forget vampire books, I devoured every girl and colt book there was to be had), the apple orchards...treats for my horsey pals of course, the pastures, my house with the wrap around porch....and so on and so on.....i said it must not be meant to be...she told me nonsense, keep trying.....at least I had found my cowboy....she always found the positive!
my mr. says I want it too bad.....so the universe says no...really? serious??
i cried some more, when my city gone country cousin blogs that she has cows...I am happy for her, thrilled for her....i encourage her to get chickens...then wonder.....why not me?
could it be that we chose to have eight kiddos in a down economy and didn't have our education finished until we had half our family......(that's a hint peeps...finish school before...or not....whatever feels right! but i do encourage my girls to go to college, go on a mission, play, travel, have fun.....but if you fall in love at 18 and marry...so be it....but please wait.....that could be just two short years away....I'm not ready..I still have babies at home.....and I mean literal babies, I am not ready for grandbabies....yet) is it because I am wishy washy
could it be that my husband choose a vocation in public service because the ranch/farm was already crowded, and well.... working for the gov, stinks? but thank heavens for insurance! could it be that it is just not meant to be, that i have a different mission in life then I want....
who knows, except the Lord...and He seems quiet on the subject.....
so like i do in all irreconcilable dilemmas...I think about food and how i would do it if i did have my white farm house and picket fence....so i will leave you with this recipe, homemade chocolate syrup, without preservatives or chemicals or corn syrup....
so far we have had it on ice ream and shakes, in milk, added powdered sugar to it to make a glaze for homemade donuts, recipe here......and yes, even by the finger full....why dirty a spoon my son said....needless to say it was a hit.....
see...chocolate does solve everything....i even put it in my chili...yep.....seriously! i will keep you posted about my dream....i now have a deadline, i put us on the waiting list for a miniature jersey dairy cow....how fun is that? and a post for another time!
Chocolate Syrup
2 cups Powdered sugar (you can use granulated, but the syrup tends to be more coarse and grainy)
1/2 cup cocoa (imagine dark chocolate here too!)
1 cup water
1/4 t vanilla
1/8 t salt
mix sugar and cocoa together, then stir in water and bring to a slow boil, not to fast or it can boil over! Boil for three minutes. Take off stove and stir in salt and vanilla. As it cools, it will thicken. I stored it in a mason jar for the ease of dipping a spoon...aka...finger...
store it on the top shelf in the fridge..because it will go fast!!
just so ya know...I just made a fresh double batch and stirred it into my homemade blueberry shake....totally rocked! and i licked the pan when i put it away
thanks for listening to my woes, which are more then one, since I licked the chocolate sauce pan!
luv yer guts
2 comments:
i totally love your posts!!!! 2oish years ago I would of NEVER guessed I would have chickens!!! lol...and I would probably cave in to the cow if we had the land....lol. 20ish years ago I was gonna be in {{cough}} law enforcement and never get married! haha....so glad I didn't follow my dream! i love the one someone else planned for me!
Holy cow, you made me cry with this one. So many things you brought up . . . mostly Grandma. I still miss her so much. And it kills me that I didn't get to say goodbye.
I'm with Grandma . . . don't give up your dream. We aren't too old to make our dreams come true. When it's meant to be, it will be. We fell into our place unexpectedly. You will do the same. Keep your eyes and ears open to the possibilities and never stop dreaming. Someday we will be comparing our stories of our farms/ranches and lists of animals we own and feed (and the ones that feed us).
I love you sis.
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