Sigh or Freak Out.....

I am not a perfect mother...there I have said it...it is out...sorry to blow your minds....

My baby really doesn't really look like a gnome in real life.

Whatever, all that know me.....are laughing....as I just posted this morning that I forgot my #5's kindergarten spotlight.....I don't know how...it was boldly typed out on his calendar that has a prominent place on our fridge.....and I even thought about it last week....and yet I did forget....and not only did I forget....I am late...very late...it was due yesterday morning.

So late last night while my hubs finished the dishes (which he should, I fixed him chicken fried steak...in coconut oil mind you), I ran to the store to get the necessary spotlighting paraphernalia and then proceeded to go through 20 years of pictures to find the last and only six yeas of his life.....and can I just tell you all I miss my little babies, yes I know I still have babies, but when I look at those sweet chubby angelic faces and stubby little legs...my heart just melts....because I remember when.....

and then we cut to this morning as the other sweet chubby angelic baby boy turned to towering over me man child stormed out of the house....because....because....I sighed over something that his teenage mind has once.again.put.off.and.is.now.late.and.will.be.forgotten.and.lost.and.then.I.will.have.to.nag.to.get.it.done.again. and.he.will.say.I.am.freaking.out.AGAIN!

...and he forgot his freshly made lovingly prepared egg sandwich.....in a huff....

Now let's just say I didn't freak out this morning...but...

yes...but...I have before....and sadly, I probably will again....because you see....

I had to learn to be a good parent, a good mother...and sometimes I forget that....a lot

It was easy to be a blissfully happy and good mother to a teeny tiny little bundle of heaven; snuggle them, rock them, kiss them, adore them, sing to them....no problemo.....

They didn't talk back. If they were crying I knew how to soothe them, pat them, burp them, change them, feed them and love them till they were cooing again. Admittedly, I have had wonderfully colic free, easy going stress free babies...till mctwinner #1, she changed things up....but still...I didn't view her as hard...just more needy demanding, and #8 has been by far the sweetest most easygoing baby along with #3, #4 and #5...and #7.  I just have really good babies.

And then they turn, oh about, three, eleven, fourteen, or seventeen,  sometimes two, in the case of one of the twins.....and then the learning curve begins all over again...and again...and again....over and over.

You would think that I would get it the second time around, or at least the third, however, each of my children are so different that I have had to learn something new. How to let one fly, how to make one of them more secure, how to push another to be a little more, to refrain, to push and prod, cajole and sometimes bribe into making good choices that will affect them further down the line.....and I still have a long line to go down.

Or just to bite my tongue...that would probably solve a lot of problems.....

But I don't, sometimes I freak out (except this morning...no freak out) and forget that I am the parent that is in control and knows what I am doing and that I understand my children sometimes will make choices that I do not agree with and that they will have to live with the consequences. Except, that I think that I will have to deal with a mess one way or another, so I will just make them mad now and then not deal with the messy consequences later ad they will thank me later for it.

Life and agency doesn't work that way, #1 reminds me of that all the time, like on a daily and sometimes hourly basis...he is much too much like me. (There I have admitted it!) Just like the Lord gives me freedom to choose my own path, I have to give my children {a little} room to make their own choices, and to learn and grow.

BUT IT IS HARD!  I MEAN HARD! to let them make stupid choices that down the line will make no sense to them...but I must, I must.

And here is where I am constantly reminding myself that it is okay to still be learning as a parent, and if you think that you know it all....well then....good luck my friend.

It's okay to make mistakes as a parent, as long as we are just as quick to tell our kiddos we are sorry.

I tell my kids that I wake up praying for them in the morning and repenting for myself at night...and that they forget that their mother is still learning and that she isn't perfect.....

but that she loves them more then anything else in the world, that she would walk on hot coals and lay her life down if necessary for them....because that is what imperfect and freak out mothers.....parents do.

I wish for them that when they become parents the learning curve won't be as steep as I the one I climbed...because...I showed them the way and kept the path lit and that I am not quite the freak out they thought I was.

But until then, I will just have to remind myself that as long as I do a little better each day, that that day was  a success. Much like learning to eat Traditional Foods or deal with cloth diapers, or return to the farm....a little can go a long way.

And hopefully the little things like Butter Sauce for Gingerbread waffles or German pancakes or like Raspberry Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast...will erase my freak outs ...or that I make them eat oatmeal.
Butter Sauce is so easy but something that they will remember you took the time to make. Minutes to make and no preservatives or HFCS in it!

So love and hug and rock...even the 17 year old....little buggers while you can....they will remember...

Butter Sauce

1 cube butter
1/2 cup canned coconut milk (the thick stuff on top, not the water part)
1 Cup raw cane sugar

Combine in heavy pan and bring to a rapid boil, stirring occasionally. Serve warm.