Blessed Buttermilk Pie

i am thankful.....

I am thankful...

i am thankful...

This was the mantra I said over and over in my head yesterday (Thanksgiving) as I was trying to coordinate the finishing touches on dinner......aka: going crazy!  Been there? Done that? 

and then it hit me....it was only dinner and that I was preparing it for those that i loved the most and that those finishing touches didn't mean a thing compared to those wonderful little AND big souls that were sitting on the couch watching a movie that was way too loud, or underfoot, or didn't seem to hear the puppies whining to be taken out.  It wasn't worth being frustrated over gravy that wasn't thick enough or a floor that was messy at best and sticky mud bog at worst.

The fingers in the stuffing or the little snatches of rolls being taken were a sign that dinner was good and that they approved and dinner would be a success. The TV too loud meant I had ears to hear the kids laughter (really it was scrabbling at each other, but whatever). Life was good, and I needed to relax. My house was warm, my table was loaded, I had neighbors that for one reason or another had made an extra coconut cream pie and insisted that we take it...yeah right...but I'm not sayin no! and my quiver was full...or is that the hubs quiver that was full?  But in either case, life is more then good.....it was blessed.

So I breathed in deeply and I let it all go....because.....

because I also had Buttermilk Pie at the end of the day!  So good...that the name...Buttermilk..does not do it a bit of justice....A creamy custardy old fashioned pie that is more then easy to make. I dare say it is one of my favorite!  Thank you Aunt Peggy for introducing this pie to us last year....when we were craving a traditional homemade Thanksgiving Dinner and having enough prepared that a family of nine could just drop in and you didn't blink an eye!

I tried two different recipes, and this recipe was by far the best

Buttermilk Pie

Pat-in-the-Pan Crust Ingredients:

• 2 1/2 cups Flour (All Purpose Unbleached)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 3 Tablespoons cold milk
• 2/3 cup oil (vegetable or canola–make sure it is fresh!)

Sister Liza Jane’s Southern Buttermilk Pie Ingredients:

• 1 1/4 cups sugar
• 3 tablespoons flour
• 4 eggs, whisked
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 stick butter, melted and cooled (1/2 cup of butter)
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice (fresh squeezed)
• 1 tablespoon lemon zest
• pinch of grated Nutmeg

Pat-in-the-Pan Crust Directions:

1. Whisk together dry ingredients in a bowl until blended
2. Add wet ingredients and stir gently until the dough forms a ball.( For a tender crust, do not over mix).
3. Put dough into pie pan and pat it thin and flat to conform to the shape of the pan.
4. Crimp the edges.
5. You are now ready for the filling.

Buttermilk Pie Directions:

1. In your mixer, combine the flour and sugar.
2. Stir in the eggs, and buttermilk .
3. Add the cooled melted butter, vanilla, lemon juice, and lemon zest.
4. Add a pinch or two of grated Nutmeg.
5. Pour into the unbaked pie shell.
6. Put the pie in the center of the oven and bake at 425 in a pre-heated oven for 15 minutes, then lower the temp to 350, and bake for 40 more minutes.
7. Cool then keep chilled.

We of course dolloped (or drenched as I must admit) some whipped cream....and then we sat back and I pretended I was on my ole southern plantation porch rockin to and fro.........and then I woke up.......when my punks finally returned early in the am from shopping on black Friday. Ugh...is all I can say!

Love to all!

Heritage Vinegar Pie

Before I posted about the CDC being totally wrong about raw milk....

Before I started making french bread so it can dry out for the stuffing Thanksgiving dinner...and for dinner tonight, I have to double the recipe because we easily go through two loaves of french bread at one dinner.

Before I realized that I will never be a full fledged and real foodie....because {sigh} I like and use white flour, sugar and sometimes stoop to using something that may be processed or eat at Burger King.....

Before I started getting the mctwins cheerios because it looked like everything was on the up and up after a few rough days of UPing.

Before I realized that the utensil drawer was...ugh.....disgusting and full of crumbs and I pulled out the vacuum to de-crumb.

Before I started a load of laundry.....I had started to blog...or at least think about blogging...about Vinegar Pie.

Yes....Vinegar Pie....Who knew?

 I didn't....but great grandma Mabel's mama knew....she knew lots of things...she wrote them all down in a ledger above and then collected more recipes and hints from magazines. And with this pie, you can catch more flies then with honey!

It has been interesting to try many of the recipes to say the least because many of them do not have a temperature or a length of time on them.  But what a fun tradition of using and preparing recipes used back on the farm almost a hundred years ago!! I feel especially emotional as I think of the rich heritage in which both my husband and I have (or it could be the idea of cleaning up the 4000th mess after the twinners because here I sit blogging!) and of teaching all that we know to our little and not so little ones.

and as I teach what little I know, it makes me realize that I must search further and with more diligence to find these stories so that they will not be so lost to future generations.  I learned from my grandma in what would be the last few weeks of her life, stories that not even my uncles said they knew..why did none of us know these things?  Why did I not ask these questions of her when she was in better health? DOes she hav a hidden ledger somewhere?

I am realizing that my journey to be back on the farm is much more then owning a piece of ground....it's knowing who I am, excepting where I came from and learning from mistakes (and getting my daughters down from the table).....much much more...left to be uncovered.

VINEGAR PIE
(as written)
2/3 c white sugar
2 heaping T flour
4 Heaping T Vinegar
Yolk of 1 egg
pinch of salt
1 pt of boiling water

Cook in double boiler until thick, flavor with lemon. Fill baked crust, beat egg white, sweeten and place on top. Brown in oven. When we made this, we cooked it at 350.

As far as my research has found, pioneers made this pie when the fruit of summer and the dried fruit of winter had long been gone. SO try it and tell me what you think....I'll be waiting!

Raw Milk......Framed? {gasp}

Raw Milk has never actually in any way killed someone....

The CDC admits this in a round about way, after threatening to file a Freedom of Information Act request.  One of the deaths that the CDC linked to raw milk was from queso fresco, a fresh cheese that is made by aging it for 60 days.  Here in my own lovely state of Utah, the news linked illness and even possible death to raw milk when it in fact was from queso fresco most likely made in unclean residences with unsafe practices and then sold under the radar.

Whether you support raw milk or not at least support the right and the ability of those that do the choice of doing so.  People have the right to drink alcoholic beverages that lead to far more deaths...yet the government feels strongly compelled to report misleading numbers, jail innocent people, tarnish good peoples name and business, all over raw milk?  Raw milk has been drank for hundreds...no thousands of years.....you and I do not need government involvement in this choice.

I'll be back later with a fantabulous recipe for Vinegar Pie...yes, you read that right, but I have french bread ready to form...with my help of course..so that I can dry it out and make homemade stuffing!!!  See ya in a fee........

I CAN, CAN

I learned a few amazing things this past week....I'd like to share what I CAN do

You CAN make whipped cream outta evaporated milk...and if you hadn't have told your husband about it he wouldn't have turned up his nose at it, because he wouldn't have known, but more on that later.
You CAN cry over spilt milk...especially when it comes out as throw up/vomit/puke/up chuck/blowing chunks/ralphing or as we now call it in our house....up...just...UP.  it's usually all that would make it out of the twins mouth before the surge came.....ugh.
You CAN bottle homemade sauerkraut with ease and even joy because it smells better then what you have been dealing with for the past five days.
You CAN make a lovely homemade, prepared from scratch meal....and one of your children will say the meat is dry...and then eat enough that you loose count of the helpings.
You CAN laugh with, not at your mctwinner who makes the funniest faces when she is trying not to UP, including but not limited to eye rolling, faux fainting, not to be confused with faux painting, laying down on the tile floor and so on, because....well...you ( and I mean me)....do the same thing.
You CAN manage to do fifteen million loads of laundry in the day...and still not be done
You CAN put it out on facebook that you need a coke...after church of course.....and  more then a few friends deliver...including a can secretly stashed into your husband's manbag and your husband wonders how they knew....hmmmm
You CAN heat up your hot chocolate more then four times...and then give up on drinking it.....and just go for the coke....
You CAN tell yourself every time you take a sip of that oh so coldly refreshing beverage...that you will quit once the twins stop UPing.
You CAN still be the only one that hears the puppies at "butt crack of dawn" as my cousin likes to call it.... and no one else does...so you spend more energy to pull your teenage son outta bed and make him take them out because you don't want to get cold..and you have to wake him up anyway you reason...and you have to make breakfast after all....and will still be picking up their doggie poop...even though five kids swore on bibles jumped up and down, did flips and promised... that you (and I mean me) never would
You CAN manage to blow through the house and make it some what presentable for potential buyers to walk through who called ten minutes earlier...did I mention my house is for sale...and the twins are UPing..and that is when everybody will be calling on the house.
You CAN survive it all and blog about it on Monday...because that it was what makes it all worth it...that and you love your family.

But back to the whipped cream that you CAN make from evaporated milk. I made it and it was good...and the kids had it on their whipped cream this morning....so it must be decent! I always prefer fresh cream...but I forgot to put it on the list for the hubs this weekend as I was grounded at home or rather didn't dare leave for fear of coming home to a bigger and nastier mess then just dealing with it. And I don't know about you, but I can't have pumpkin pie nekkid...just can't, it isn't right. So we had to do something......and sherbet was goig to cut it

But now I know that it can be done...and will work wonders in the food storage if there is ever a time we can't have fresh cream and we are beyond desperation in our need for whipped cream on our pumpkin pie, you never know it may happen!

1 can Evaporated milk
1/2 package non-flavored gelatin
3/4 c powdered sugar
1 t vanilla

Pour evaporated milk in a metal bowl and freeze for at least 30 minutes along with the beater (the milk should start to freeze o the sides of the bowl. Take out and shake gelatin on top of cold evaporated milk. let sit a few minutes, add vanilla and start to beat.  Slowly add in sugar and increase speed and beat until you have the consistency you want.  It doesn't get as stiff as cream.....but it will work!!!

love yer creamy guts!!

Confessions

I have a confession...yes.....a confession. We all like confessions, right?!  WE all like confessions because we need to feel normal, we need to know that the beautiful neighbor secretly chews her nails, or picks her nose or turns into an ogre come sundown.  We NEED to know this.....because we...and I mean me...are human and it makes my shortcomings not so bad.  And for the record, my neighbors are all extremely beautiful and fit and funny and really, really good people.....not a bad one among them...going to church is like attending a convention of beautiful people..and I'm the maid. Good People, I say.

Back to my confession, I have one, well I have a few, but it isn't that I totally get grossed out by my kiddos residual spit left in the sink after teeth brushing,....eeeehhhh...yes, I can deal with poop better then that slimy stream. No it isn't the confession that I get annoyed, and not secretly when my husband helps me with housework/laundry or pulls in the kids to help and doesn't do it my way. Like last night...after FHE...he has them bring down the whites....and yes they were in two overflowing baskets, and yes, one of them had been like that or more then a week, and yes, they had been dumped out and put back in more then three times, and yes, my husband hates, HATES pulling things out of the basket.....even if it is only underwear...he hates it....and hat within a matter of minutes...like 30...that the whites were all folded, more or less, and out of my hair. And it isn't the fact that he said he could see..."I was drowning"...hhhmmm...maybe I was, but I hadn't been asked to be rescued, BUT it is nice this morning that it is done and for the most part put away.

And it's not that my mctwinners run around the house nekkid most the day and hat I gave them red and pink starburst when they potty [I KNOW....GASP!]

No, my confession is much more serious.....

First, I know, I know...just get to it, but I need to explain for those that are not LDS (as we call ourselves) or Mormon (as the world usually know us, it is the same thing.) we have a lay ministry, all is done by volunteers from the top, down to the bottom.  When someone is "called" to help or to a position, that means we don't just raise our hand and volunteer for the job, we believe that through prayer, inspiration and thought, that the "calling" comes from God, and that He want us to be in that position for whatever reason.

So with that being said, can you guess my confession (yes there are probably a lot of confessions that I should explore)?

Hold your breath, get ready for it....

I was called to be a den mother......{gasp} a cub scout leader...and I cried.....{big sobbing gulp}

now, for my friends that may read this, when you are not being beautiful....let me tell you, that I love your boys, love them!  I love when they are over and we are debating (IE; shouting) which team is better - the U or BYU....I love that they run over to tell me that they are getting a puppy...because we were the crazy ones on the block to set a precedent that their parents are now feeling the pressure of! I love that they look after the mctwins and will bring them back...or try to....when they have silently and secretly escaped. Let me say it again...I love these boys!  They are sweet and kind and funny and witty and good boys from good parents.

...but I just never pictured myself in scouts...the husband does scouts and has been away on many a scout trip, I have helped my son with badges...but never once did I see myself in the women's yellow uniform, raising my hand to the scout pledge....I just didn't. It wasn't a calling that I ever thought about..after all, I have SIX girls. SIX.....and I get called to cub scouts....I don't even have a cub scout, for two more years...and then no more after that. It never crossed my mind, that that is where our Heavenly Father would want me....

...so I cried...and I cried a lot....(enough that one of the bishop's counselors commented on my crying to his wife...good thing she is one of my besties...she had my back) but just not until after... After I heard of all these other callings...and I was a den leader and after I made a teeny weeny comment to my husband and he wrote the sweetest note to me reminding me of the preciousness of these boys (and now I will start to cry again..thinking about it)....and after I felt the guilt of not being pleased and excited with my new position, because after all...the women that are doing it...are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I could learn a lot from them!  But after THE NOTE......reminding me that this call was being extended through mortal men from God, because after all...we believe in personal revelation and that God still speaks to men and women! And He had spoken to not only me, but to His leaders that this is where I needed to be...and once again I was being/feeling rebellious and put off that I wasn't in one of my preferred callings...like young women's...after all I have SIX girls...have I mentioned...I have SIX girls! Or again...one of my favorite calling..Relief Society teacher.....but no I was going to be a den leader....

And the guilt was overwhelming as I was set apart (a special blessing to help and guide you in your calling)...and it was all I could do to stifle the sobs, because as a crier, as my dear friend's husband put it, the more I try to quit, the harder the tears come, and the more people look at me, with my red and tear streaked eyes and runny nose, the harder my chest heaves, and the more I try to swallow the tears....it just gets to be a messy wet scene.....and I was just that....

a runny messy wet scene, because I knew that this calling was where the Lord wanted me.....and I wanted to say no...but I didn't...and I wanted to be the kind of daughter that was happy and cheerful and "put me anywhere you need me" type of girl.

But I am not, I never have been....I have always questioned and examined and double checked and asked again..to the dismay of the hubs. some might assume I am whining...I am not....just trying to make sure that the Lord understands my position. You understand, right?

silly me...you'd think I would have learned by now.. but I am still working on that...

but late last night and early this morning as I researched the cub scouts and read a message from my sweet cousin that echoed my husband and the blessing already given..I knew that I was going to love this new calling and that this would be where I would fill my house with boys...just not my own as I had planned on as a young girl ( I even had lists of my children's names, maybe one or two girls among the list of boys names and no I didn't use one of those names!)  

That once again the Lord knew better then I, the plans of which I know nothing and yet to try to usurp. Silly me for wasting time and energy and tears on something of naught...

It reminds be of one of my favorite verses

Psalms 46:10

10 Be still, and know that I am God:


this calling will be......A.W.E.S.O.M.E! and I will L.O.V.E. it......

And like they say, confession is good for the soul...just don't hold it against me...

And like confession, chocolate is good for the soul, especially when it is a ruined looking lump of cake. So here is our recipe for Chocolate Addiction Trifle:

1 ruined (or perfectly ok) chocolate cake, cooked from scratch, or use a box if it pleases you.
1 box of White Chocolate Pudding (yes I should have made them from scratch..they would have been better...but that is not how my day went...remember I had just been called to be a cub scout leader an hour before I had guests over)

1 box of Chocolate pudding
1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
2 cups whipped cream or Cool Whip (if you must)
1 Tablespoon of Cocoa Powder

Break up cake and layer 1/2 in a glass cake pan...it looks prettier!
Make white chocolate pudding and layer over cake
sprinkle 1/2 of chocolate chips over pudding

Whip cream with confectioners sugar, a little vanilla and Cocoa Powder and layer on top.
Repeat with remaining cake, chocolate pudding, chocolate chips and whipped cream.

When you are ready to serve, drizzle chocolate syrup over each portion.

And then listen as our guests tell you that it is the absolute best and that they must have the recipe o make for their Chinese grandmother....It will set the world aright!

Love yer confession listening guts!!

I did do something this weekend

Because it felt like I hadn't done anything this week   I made a list....in  two days, I have managed to:

• sew two toddler skirts, without a pattern mind you....thank heaves for the internet!

•  make a toddler jumper...without even a measurement...that didn't fit dang it

• clean up dog doodoo...too many times to count, luckily most of it was outside

• make four fabulous and totally edible meals...and two more that will pass for something to fill a belly

• put away the ironing board and iron.....that usually sits out with a pile on top..and no I did not finish the ironing...I just made my husband happy by putting it out of sight.
• do the potty dance and all that that entails
• mop/wipe/blot/scrub up when we (and I mean the twins) couldn't wait for the potty dance
• load the dishwasher
• holler at a kid to unload the dishwasher
• read facebook and a  few blogs
• run to the local furniture store and dream of a new bed bed and then laugh with the hubs hysterically at the $4000 price tag.....but oh.....goodness.....would I sleep well at night
• stop by mcpunk #1's work...to make sure he was where he said he would be
• drive and pick up mcpunk #2 from basketball practice and work
•  14 billion loads of laundry (that my be an exaggeration)
• Laugh at my solid little two year old sauntering away walk after she took a swipe at her littler twin.....that totally earned it...but always seems surprised when the first said twin isn't so mellow
• yell stop it and no, and don't pinch or hit or bite..be nice and go in time out
• Share an evening with  Chinese exchange students far from home that were a little sad...but wouldn't admit to homesickness.....and wondered if I was ready to send my fledgling bird out of the nest in the next couple months...the answer is no...not even close... 
•  watch my fav college football team kick some booty....
• watch the news replay over and over all the weekend game highlights
• get called to be a den mother.....more on that later
• feed my 'ittle barnacle and deal with her gumming...OUCH!
• panic, calm, panic, calm.......i need some space
• walk the dogs, or holler at one of the kids to do it...but it is usually easier for me to just go do it.....you know the feeling....
• ruin a chocolate cake..not the first time
• make a trifle out of said ruined cake and hear how fabulous it was and share the recipe with these cute girls from China
• watch Mel Gibson's Apocalypse.....it was pretty good.....I'm only a few years late
• type and expect my laptop to auto correct
• read Llama llama Red Pajama or as the mctwinners call it lalalalamala

although my house now looks like I didn't do anything over the weekend.....I have a record that I did...a blog record counts right? And my list is to remind us all....yes, me included, that even when we feel like we have done little, and feel like we haven't crossed anything off our list...that often we are shortchanging ourselves.  We are busy all the time....and as I read over the list, I am sad to say that there was no scripture reading, or journal writing, no temple attendance...there was a quick peak in at a spankin new baby girl..that made me baby hungry, there was laughing with my girls and hand holding with my love and probably a lot more little things that I take for granted.  So this week I will remember that I am always busy...even if it is sitting on the couch reading a story (the hubs says that I have been using that line for awhile now)...and that it is much funner to make a list of all we have accomplished then a list of all that still needs to be done....because most likely that list will still be there the day after...and the day after that...and the day......

because sometimes we are human and it takes us days, weeks and sometimes even months to cross something off our list! Be good to yourselves and take a minute to read what one of my favorite church leaders has to say on the subject of Forget Me Nots.

So with that I am going to leave you with a little treat recipe, that is fabulous and tastes like you went out to eat...but you didn't and you know that no one spit into our food! AND it was so easy! Even when I didn't have some of the items and just substituted....good thing they turned out...it was already 8:30 when we finally ate!

• 1 lb fresh mushrooms
• 1/4 cup celery, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons onions, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons red bell peppers, finely chopped
• 1/2 lb crabmeat(and I used a can of salmon because I didn't have crab meat! Mcpunk #2 would say it all tastes the same anyway.)
• 2 cups oyster crackers, crushed (used 2 hamburger buns..because I didn't even have a loaf of bread!)
• 1/2 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning (mine was homemade by a friend so that it didn't have msg in it!)
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, ground
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup water
• 6 slices white cheddar cheese
• I used shredded monterey jack cheese...so much better 

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400deg F.
2. Wash mushrooms and remove stems.
3. Set caps aside, and chop half of the stems.
4. Saute chopped mushroom stems,celery, onion and pepper in butter for 2 minutes.
5. Transfer to a plate and cool in refrigerator..(I didn't cool at all)
6. Combine sauteed vegetables and all other ingredients (except cheese slices) and mix well.
7. Place mushroom caps in a sprayed or buttered baking pan stem side up.
8. Spoon 1 tsp stuffing into each mushroom cap.
9. Cover with a piece of sliced cheese.
10. Bake for 12-15 minutes until cheese is lightly brown.

What you dont want to know about food

After reading this...what you don't want to know  and this.....

I become panicked and add a more urgent prayer for my little farm or somewhere to garden and grow.........

and just so you know...I very rarely buy organic with the exception of our local farmers because there is probably not a lot of difference since the big food companies are now claiming and using the "organic" label...

What to do what to do..... if you haven't started researching what is in your food.....I would.....

Raw Milk....got some?

I think I have mentioned that I have a cow on order...yes...a cow...a miniature jersey dairy cow. 2013 is the lucky year, think Fiddler on the Roof, daughter walking the cow...size, that should be the size of our milk cows, not gargantuan mamas. But that is another story...one I hope to be sharing sooner then later.

Tonight I wanted to talk about about this story "Utah Creamery Hurt by incorrect journalism", all because of this story, Utans Sickened.  Along with this story, there were several local tv stations that followed the story. The story stating that almost a hundred people since 2009 had been sickened by salmonella from raw milk that a man made queso fresco (a mexican cheese) from, one station even stated that the milk was obtained from the Local Heber Valley Dairy......

Not true, not true, not true......

First, only 2 people have been definitely confirmed to have been sickened by the cheese from this man, and NONE of the milk, I repeat none of the milk from a Utah dairy selling raw milk has tested positive for salmonella, yet the Salt Lake Health Department implied that the salmonella, along with the tv stations, came from the raw milk..not the process in which the man was making the cheese.  They jumped to conclusions, on the band wagon or whatever you want to call it and went for the jugular on this small farm that has been in the same family for over a 100 years. The Heber Valley Milk has never tested positive for the food borne illness as the health department claimed...instead they clientele has been considerably hurt during the airing of these accusations.

The Health Department nor the tv station have bothered to retract what they said, instead saying that they never said that they were responsible....but they did say it, and now a small home grown farmer has been hurt.  A farmer that has put his blood, sweat and tears into this heard, a farmer that has carved out his place in he world.

This doesn't only happen here in Utah it also happening here and here. It seems to me that big government doesn't like independent farmers or that more people are realizing that the FDA and the Department of Agriculture have been and are selling them a bunch of...well you know....it comes from  cow too. Now you may say that I am a bit of a conspiracist, and you might be right, or....

I might just be an independent thinking person that does not need the government telling me how or when or what to eat.... and I totally do not agree with or condone the government acting as the thugs for big dairy as is such the case in man instances.  I believe the facts speak for themselves....raw milk, when safely and cleanly handled does not sicken or kill people as the government would have you believe and that raiding a amish farm only further convinces me that we must not simply swallow what the government tells us (about anything) without truly questioning their motives and those standing behind them.

I wish I had my cow now...I wish I had enough money to drive up every week and fill my suburban with raw milk to drink, make yogurt with, cheese and fresh cream.....but I can tell you that I will be visiting as often as I can to try The Heber Valley Farms fresh cheeses and milk.....to not only support a local farmer but because I also believe in the health promoting value of raw milk itself.

My cousins drank it, as did I when I was visiting.  I still remember going with my grandma t a local farm in Idaho, filling up the glass gallon jar and watching the cream rise to the top...and then hand whipping the cream to heavily dollop on our pancakes topped with applesauce.  UMMMMM....this is my favorite way to eat pancakes, though my husband hate it....he may not have even tried it yet.....baby.

The bottom line is raw milk is healthy for you.....now if I could just get to my farm earlier.

See ya at the Heber Valley Dairy

picture credit goes to TinstarHeritageFarm.com

40...and counting

Today was my FORTIETH birthday. Two weeks ago I was bawling, and a week ago I was crying and even last night a few tears were shed.....FORTY was hitting me harder then I thought it would, but it was.  Before facing  this momentous occasion, I thought it would be no big deal and even thought those that had a midlife crisis were being...well...a bit illogical...and then it happened to me....and I couldn't explain it.......only the fallen tears and an patient husband could understand.  But today, today has been a good day, no a great day because of my family, and my friends, and Facebook and of course food, but also because I remembered where I was a year ago. And any birthday will be better then my 39th.

Last year, on my birthday at 12:20 pm, I miscarried the twin of our little #8 mcnugget.  Not knowing that we were carrying twins, I was devastated at the thought of loosing a baby that we had only known we were carrying for five days, 120 hours. For those 120 hours my husband and I had been letting it sink in that we had a surprise coming to us (a big surprise, since we had been using a birth control with less then a 1% failure rate, and no it wasn't the pill.)

And yet, in those 120 hours I had grown so connected to this little one that I was heartsick and saddened beyond words to be loosing this life because ten days earlier I had lain in bed with puking 17 month old twins and nauseous myself had a conversation with the Lord telling him that I must be crazy to think of ever getting pregnant again...not realizing that I already was. This conversation played over and over in my head as I waited in the doctors office, and again as I lay down for a sonogram...I couldn't even look,  didn't want to see the empty screen.

And the I heard it, and I heard it in the doctors voice and I turned and looked at the screen....and there on the monitor was a little squirming gummibear, with a heartbeat as strong as ever, and I gulped and big sobs rolled out as I laughed and cried all at once, and couldn't breathe feeling tremendously thankful to see this little bean dancing and yet see the empty sac next to him (which would ultimately be a her and not a him). We were mourning a little baby we had yet to know, but joyful that we could welcome another little mckidlet to our clan.

It would still be weeks before we were certain that this little baby would stay with us, but the overwhelming gratitude of tender mercies would buoy us up. So the beginning of this 40th year I have nothing to cry over, my lost years, my unfulfilled dreams, my incomplete bucket list.......is nothing compared to the loss I felt that day. And today at 40 I have 1 amazingly patient husband and 8 incredible kiddos, and one little angel that we believe is still our baby and although I still mourn the loss of one, I am blessed beyond describable words and the other lists I have written down in my head are just that...just lists.

But because I am a list maker.....I'll put my bucket list in ink...and share it, because when we...and I mean me.... put it in ink it becomes tangible and achievable...and the world wide web can keep me honest i my pursuit.

And because this was a good reminder...I will share this conference talk with you...it puts everything into perspective. These babies, that grow into children and then sometimes into sassy teenagers....are children of our Heavenly Father first, and ours second..and this is the best gift I will ever get....

well except for the humongous crock pot, a floor steam cleaner, Dansko shoes...that my husband will now call my orthopedic old lady shoes.....though they are totally cute....coconut balsamic vinegar and cilantro and onion olive oil...could I ask for more..(well yes...you know...the farm an' all)

.....and you know I couldn't be too serious for too long, afterall Marjorie Hinckley said she would rather laugh then cry, because crying gives you a headache.

Sistas.....I love ya and so does the Lord.....let's remember the smallest of our tender mercies...because although I do mourn the loss of one of my babies, I think that the Lord watched over me...for some days the thought of four babies under two would have me crazy...but it would have been fun trying!

I'm Done

I'm done......

that's what i said over my shoulder  to my husband (and family)as I walked up the stairs....

I was done with sassy teenagers, a weekend cluttered house, walking puppies that I was guaranteed would never be my responsibility (um, yeah, the dogs have been here a week), making dinner only to hear "did you think  would like that?", potty training twins, housebreaking puppies, picking up socks, sorting laundry, waiting for poop to happen, stretching the budget, find healthy snacks, clean windows, get dressed,  live in a warm and comfortable but oh so small house...and on and on


...and I was done....at least for a few minutes....

baby and I took a breather....actually I breathed while she gobbled and gnawed her way through her fifth helpings of milk in a two hour span. and then my hubs came up...and long story short, eventually he made me laugh and all was alright with the world in our warm and comfortable but oh so small house.

 Do you ever have those moments when you ell like you have given it your all...and now you just a nap because nothing else has worked out?  No, just me?  Well good......but if you have, I hope you have a someone that knows how to make you laugh at the world and know that it isn't the end.....yet.


{pause while I go help a twin that just did the deed in her big girl panties.....eeeeewwwwww}
But I do know....that something had to change...whether it was just my attitude or my expectations, which are are way too high (ask anyone that knows me well.) So after some thought and most likely inspiration, I decided that I need to get dinner ready/prepared/completed before the kiddos come home at 3.....after that all he.....well you know...breaks loose.

This is when I am in the car the most, when the mickiddos need to be somewhere or picked up from somewhere, when I am shouting orders for chores, homework, music practice and generally referring....it aint pretty sometimes, I admit it. It's a roller coaster that can sometimes have you holding your guts from laughing so hard or pulling out your hair with frustration....and sometimes, like I said, your done and you need to get off.

{pause...I have to take "it won't ever be your responsibility" puppies out for a potty break }

{Sigh}So that's my goal for this week...and we'll see after the next if I can get dinner ready for the most part before the bulk of my clan comes home. Hopefully it will make for a smoother transition into evening and a quieter dinner because everyone is not on edge because their madre (me) isn't yelling, biting her tongue or banging pans in frustration.

{pause...have to peel an orange for mctwin #!}

So in between typing this, asking if two two year olds need to go potty, tell a puppy no and keep an ear trained to hear the baby cry (all while I forgot my kindergartner was getting out of school and needed to be met at the bus...another sigh) I am getting dinner ready.....stuffed green peppers. Which was requested by mcpunk #4...I don't even know if she likes them?!  But we shall see, and I should be calmer when she tells me that she doesn't like them....because I prepared them hours ago!

wold love, love, love to hear from y'all on how you make life less hectic and smoother around those bumpy corners!!

And because you know that I have to, have to, have to include a recipe here.....(afterall...the kitchen is the heart of the home/farm)

{long interruption while I took a picture of the twins doing this......

.....And a really long pause to make lunch, nurse my little barnacle, finish dinner, talk on the phone, laugh with  friend...and start a batch of french bread.....which is an experiment on making a light but hearty multiple grain bread...we will see how it turns out...

We return you back to our previously recorded program....

For that recipe.....I will leave you with a scrumpitalious pumpkin cupcake with cheese cream frosting...and it has whole wheat flour in it!!  Go figure...but then I love what bread, but the real kicker was that the kids loved them and they were an excellent hurry up and go breakfast in the morning!! Even the hubs liked them...I think...he was probably starving, so he had to like them!

Cupcakes:
1-1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter,
softened
3 large eggs
1 can (15 ounces) or 1-3/4 cups
pumpkin purée
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2-1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup buttermilk
Frosting:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter,
softened
3 cups confectioner’s sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Position a rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin
pans with paper baking cups and set aside.
Place the sugar and butter in the bowl of an electric mixer and beat until smooth. Add
the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. On low speed, add the
pumpkin purée and vanilla.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, cinnamon, ginger, baking powder, salt,
allspice, and baking soda. Add the flour mixture to the batter on low speed, alternating
with the buttermilk; blend completely.
Fill each muffin cup with about 1/3 cup of batter, or about three-quarters full. (You may
end up with a little extra batter.) Bake until the cupcakes are set in the middle, and a
skewer inserted into the center of the cupcakes comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes.
Remove the muffin pans from the oven and let the cupcakes cool for 15 minutes, then
turn them out of the pan to finish cooling on a wire rack.
To make the frosting, combine the cream cheese and butter in a medium-size bowl and
beat until smooth. Gradually add the confectioner’s sugar, beating until smooth and
creamy. Stir in the cinnamon and vanilla.
When the cupcakes are completely cool, decorate them with the cinnamon frosting.
Sprinkle with sanding sugar or decorate if you are bored. HA!. The cupcakes can be refrigerated, covered, for up to 3 days.

crazy corn dogs

In the last 15 hours I have heard.....

are you crazy? do YOU need your head examined?  Glad it is you and not me! SUCKER! do you know what you are doing? Really?! Aren't three babies under two enough for you?  WTH? and a few more choice ones....

Is your interest piqued? Why you ask are they looking at me like I have two heads? have i really gone crazy?

Well yes, crazy runs in my family, so far i have been able to control it with chocolate and blame the rest on eight bambinos, but no more, i have clearly crossed the line in  few peoples eyes......

we added two little four footed friends to our already chaotic world....




two little two pound rat terriers...

they look like this...though this one isn't it....and we have two of them...Halle and Boo.

Since they came home with us on Halloween. At this very moment the twins are in the kennel with the puppies, this is a good thing...maybe the puppies will potty train the twins....here's hopin!

My husband clearly feels I have lost all good sense, but I for one am done waiting....

waiting for life to begin when we have a farm/house/land...blah, blah, blah.....


maybe this is only my problem, i hold this dream out there and all will be well and good and wonderful when we have met that goal.  meanwhile life goes on and I do not enjoy it to the fullest....

no more...well at least for this week, we/i will seize the day and make the most out of it...with what I have...not what I am waiting for....

and with that being said, i will leave you with Ree, the Pioneer Woman's corn dogs and cheese on a stick.....they were in celebration of two new puppies, halloween and because lets face it i was being lazy, so don't judge me on the pancake mix part...I know it is processed...but it was one of those days...and they tasted so good!!!!

so pray for me. love yer guts,
crazy mama