Confessions

I have a confession...yes.....a confession. We all like confessions, right?!  WE all like confessions because we need to feel normal, we need to know that the beautiful neighbor secretly chews her nails, or picks her nose or turns into an ogre come sundown.  We NEED to know this.....because we...and I mean me...are human and it makes my shortcomings not so bad.  And for the record, my neighbors are all extremely beautiful and fit and funny and really, really good people.....not a bad one among them...going to church is like attending a convention of beautiful people..and I'm the maid. Good People, I say.

Back to my confession, I have one, well I have a few, but it isn't that I totally get grossed out by my kiddos residual spit left in the sink after teeth brushing,....eeeehhhh...yes, I can deal with poop better then that slimy stream. No it isn't the confession that I get annoyed, and not secretly when my husband helps me with housework/laundry or pulls in the kids to help and doesn't do it my way. Like last night...after FHE...he has them bring down the whites....and yes they were in two overflowing baskets, and yes, one of them had been like that or more then a week, and yes, they had been dumped out and put back in more then three times, and yes, my husband hates, HATES pulling things out of the basket.....even if it is only underwear...he hates it....and hat within a matter of minutes...like 30...that the whites were all folded, more or less, and out of my hair. And it isn't the fact that he said he could see..."I was drowning"...hhhmmm...maybe I was, but I hadn't been asked to be rescued, BUT it is nice this morning that it is done and for the most part put away.

And it's not that my mctwinners run around the house nekkid most the day and hat I gave them red and pink starburst when they potty [I KNOW....GASP!]

No, my confession is much more serious.....

First, I know, I know...just get to it, but I need to explain for those that are not LDS (as we call ourselves) or Mormon (as the world usually know us, it is the same thing.) we have a lay ministry, all is done by volunteers from the top, down to the bottom.  When someone is "called" to help or to a position, that means we don't just raise our hand and volunteer for the job, we believe that through prayer, inspiration and thought, that the "calling" comes from God, and that He want us to be in that position for whatever reason.

So with that being said, can you guess my confession (yes there are probably a lot of confessions that I should explore)?

Hold your breath, get ready for it....

I was called to be a den mother......{gasp} a cub scout leader...and I cried.....{big sobbing gulp}

now, for my friends that may read this, when you are not being beautiful....let me tell you, that I love your boys, love them!  I love when they are over and we are debating (IE; shouting) which team is better - the U or BYU....I love that they run over to tell me that they are getting a puppy...because we were the crazy ones on the block to set a precedent that their parents are now feeling the pressure of! I love that they look after the mctwins and will bring them back...or try to....when they have silently and secretly escaped. Let me say it again...I love these boys!  They are sweet and kind and funny and witty and good boys from good parents.

...but I just never pictured myself in scouts...the husband does scouts and has been away on many a scout trip, I have helped my son with badges...but never once did I see myself in the women's yellow uniform, raising my hand to the scout pledge....I just didn't. It wasn't a calling that I ever thought about..after all, I have SIX girls. SIX.....and I get called to cub scouts....I don't even have a cub scout, for two more years...and then no more after that. It never crossed my mind, that that is where our Heavenly Father would want me....

...so I cried...and I cried a lot....(enough that one of the bishop's counselors commented on my crying to his wife...good thing she is one of my besties...she had my back) but just not until after... After I heard of all these other callings...and I was a den leader and after I made a teeny weeny comment to my husband and he wrote the sweetest note to me reminding me of the preciousness of these boys (and now I will start to cry again..thinking about it)....and after I felt the guilt of not being pleased and excited with my new position, because after all...the women that are doing it...are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and I could learn a lot from them!  But after THE NOTE......reminding me that this call was being extended through mortal men from God, because after all...we believe in personal revelation and that God still speaks to men and women! And He had spoken to not only me, but to His leaders that this is where I needed to be...and once again I was being/feeling rebellious and put off that I wasn't in one of my preferred callings...like young women's...after all I have SIX girls...have I mentioned...I have SIX girls! Or again...one of my favorite calling..Relief Society teacher.....but no I was going to be a den leader....

And the guilt was overwhelming as I was set apart (a special blessing to help and guide you in your calling)...and it was all I could do to stifle the sobs, because as a crier, as my dear friend's husband put it, the more I try to quit, the harder the tears come, and the more people look at me, with my red and tear streaked eyes and runny nose, the harder my chest heaves, and the more I try to swallow the tears....it just gets to be a messy wet scene.....and I was just that....

a runny messy wet scene, because I knew that this calling was where the Lord wanted me.....and I wanted to say no...but I didn't...and I wanted to be the kind of daughter that was happy and cheerful and "put me anywhere you need me" type of girl.

But I am not, I never have been....I have always questioned and examined and double checked and asked again..to the dismay of the hubs. some might assume I am whining...I am not....just trying to make sure that the Lord understands my position. You understand, right?

silly me...you'd think I would have learned by now.. but I am still working on that...

but late last night and early this morning as I researched the cub scouts and read a message from my sweet cousin that echoed my husband and the blessing already given..I knew that I was going to love this new calling and that this would be where I would fill my house with boys...just not my own as I had planned on as a young girl ( I even had lists of my children's names, maybe one or two girls among the list of boys names and no I didn't use one of those names!)  

That once again the Lord knew better then I, the plans of which I know nothing and yet to try to usurp. Silly me for wasting time and energy and tears on something of naught...

It reminds be of one of my favorite verses

Psalms 46:10

10 Be still, and know that I am God:


this calling will be......A.W.E.S.O.M.E! and I will L.O.V.E. it......

And like they say, confession is good for the soul...just don't hold it against me...

And like confession, chocolate is good for the soul, especially when it is a ruined looking lump of cake. So here is our recipe for Chocolate Addiction Trifle:

1 ruined (or perfectly ok) chocolate cake, cooked from scratch, or use a box if it pleases you.
1 box of White Chocolate Pudding (yes I should have made them from scratch..they would have been better...but that is not how my day went...remember I had just been called to be a cub scout leader an hour before I had guests over)

1 box of Chocolate pudding
1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
2 cups whipped cream or Cool Whip (if you must)
1 Tablespoon of Cocoa Powder

Break up cake and layer 1/2 in a glass cake pan...it looks prettier!
Make white chocolate pudding and layer over cake
sprinkle 1/2 of chocolate chips over pudding

Whip cream with confectioners sugar, a little vanilla and Cocoa Powder and layer on top.
Repeat with remaining cake, chocolate pudding, chocolate chips and whipped cream.

When you are ready to serve, drizzle chocolate syrup over each portion.

And then listen as our guests tell you that it is the absolute best and that they must have the recipe o make for their Chinese grandmother....It will set the world aright!

Love yer confession listening guts!!